Other people's success

After forty years in the desert, just before the Jewish people enter the Land of Israel, they are given instructions to pass through the territory of Edom, the descendants of Esau, but with the warning not to provoke them.

This raises an interesting question when viewed alongside an earlier passage. After the splitting of the Red Sea, the Torah describes the reactions of surrounding nations: “The leaders of Edom were shaken, the mighty men of Moab trembled.” Yet the Jewish people were not heading toward Edom or Moab at that time. It wasn’t until this point, forty years later that the Jewish nation approached their territory, so they had no reason back then to think they were about to be attacked. So why were they so disturbed?

Commentators explain that their reaction was not really fear. They were upset by the honor and success that the Jewish people had suddenly attained. 

That is something many of us can relate to. Most of us can handle another person’s success when it feels distant. We may admire it or ignore it, but it rarely affects us personally.

It becomes much harder when the successful person feels close to us. A sibling, a cousin, a former classmate, a colleague, or someone we believe started with the same opportunities we had. Suddenly their success feels like a comparison, and comparison has a way of turning someone else’s achievement into our own disappointment.

The Torah explains that Edom and Moab experienced exactly that. They were not random nations; they were relatives. Edom descended from Esau, the twin brother of Jacob. Moab descended from Lot, Abraham’s nephew. They saw the Jewish people receiving extraordinary attention and believed, in one way or another, that they deserved that recognition too. Their jealousy was rooted in a sense of entitlement.

That is often how envy works. We rarely become jealous of something we never imagined belonging to us. We become jealous when we convince ourselves that someone else’s blessing should have been ours.

The Torah’s message is not that ambition is wrong. Judaism always encourages us to grow and strive for greatness. The problem begins when our sense of self becomes dependent on measuring ourselves against everyone else. If another person’s success makes us feel smaller, it usually means we have lost sight of our own unique purpose.

Jewish tradition teaches that every person has a distinct mission; no two people are asked to contribute in exactly the same way. When we forget that, life becomes a competition for recognition.

Once we’re able to attain a shift in perspective, that changes everything. It allows us to celebrate another person’s achievements without feeling diminished by them. It frees us to appreciate our own gifts instead of constantly comparing them to someone else’s. Most importantly, it reminds us that dignity is not a limited resource. Someone else’s success does not reduce our own potential.

In today’s world, where social media constantly displays everyone else’s happiest moments, comparison has become almost unavoidable. We are exposed to more opportunities for envy in a single day than previous generations encountered in months.

The Torah offers an antidote that remains as relevant today as ever. Your worth is not determined by someone else’s accomplishments and your mission is not measured against theirs. We need to be living up to the opportunities that have been entrusted to us, not to someone else.

When we stop asking why someone else succeeded, we finally become free to discover the unique success that was meant for us all along.