You can't control everything

We all know what it feels like to work hard toward something and still have no idea whether it will work out. You prepare, make the calls, have the conversations, and do everything you can. But at the end of the day, there is one thing you cannot control: how other people will respond.

This raises an interesting question: How do we balance taking responsibility for making things happen with recognizing that so much of life is beyond our control?

There’s a fascinating lesson in the story of Eliezer, Abraham’s trusted servant, who was sent on a mission to find a wife for Isaac. Before sending him off, Abraham assured him that G-d would send an angel ahead of him to help him succeed.

When Eliezer later arrived at his destination and met with the family of Rebecca, he repeated Abraham’s assurance, but with one small change. Instead of saying that G-d would send an angel ahead of him, he said that G-d would send an angel with him.

The distinction is significant. An angel going ahead suggests that everything has already been arranged. The obstacles have been cleared, the right people have been brought together, and the path is ready. An angel going along suggests that there is still work to be done, but there is help and guidance along the way.

Eliezer changed the wording because he was speaking to Rebecca’s family, trying to convince them to let her leave with him. It would hardly have helped his case to suggest that everything had already been decided and arranged without their involvement. They still had a choice to make, and he needed to respect that.

At the same time, Eliezer understood that the success of his mission depended on more than his own efforts. He was doing his part, but he was also relying on G-d to help bring things together.

We often confuse taking responsibility with having control. We are responsible for doing our part, but we are not in control of every outcome.

A parent can guide a child, but cannot make every decision for them. We can reach out to a friend, but cannot control whether the friend responds. We can work hard at our jobs, relationships, and community projects, but there are always factors beyond our reach.

This can be frustrating. We want to know that if we do everything right, things will turn out right. But life doesn’t always work that way.

Judaism offers a healthy way to approach this tension. We are expected to make every reasonable effort and to do what needs to be done. At the same time, we recognize that our efforts are only part of the picture.

This is especially important when our success depends on other people. We can make the best argument, extend the invitation, offer the opportunity, or do everything in our power to help someone. But ultimately, the other person has free choice. We cannot control their response.

In this sense, today’s Chabad emissaries are very much like Eliezer. Every year, thousands of rabbis gather in New York for the International Kinus Hashluchim, returning from communities around the world where we are working to bring Jewish life and inspiration to others. Like Eliezer, we are sent on a mission that depends not only on our own dedication and effort, but also on the choices and responses of the people we encounter. We can open doors, create opportunities, extend invitations, and make Judaism accessible and welcoming. We cannot decide for someone else whether to walk through that door.

Yet we keep going, knowing that our responsibility is to make the effort, while trusting G-d to help bring the results.

Eliezer’s story teaches us not to use uncertainty as an excuse to give up. We should approach every responsibility with confidence, put in our best effort, and trust that G-d can help bring about results beyond what we could accomplish on our own.

There is something liberating about this outlook. We don't have to carry the entire weight of the outcome on our shoulders. Our job is to do our part faithfully and wholeheartedly. The rest is in G-d’s hands.