Be more like grandpa

We tend to think that the best way to build relationships is to surround ourselves with people who see things the way we do. It makes life easier when everyone shares our outlook and approaches situations in much the same way. But the story of Abraham and Isaac offers a different message. Sometimes, the greatest strength comes from bringing very different personalities together.

Abraham and Sara had waited many years to have a child. When Isaac was finally born, it was an extraordinary blessing. But not everyone was willing to accept the miracle. Some people began spreading rumors that Isaac wasn't really Abraham’s son, suggesting that he was actually the child of Avimelech, the king who had once taken Sara into his palace.

G-d responded by making Isaac’s facial features look exactly like Abraham’s. The resemblance was so striking that everyone could see that Abraham had indeed fathered Isaac.

At first, this seems like an unnecessary miracle. Children naturally resemble their parents. Why would G-d need to intervene to make that happen?

The answer lies in the fact that Abraham and Isaac represented two very different approaches to life. Abraham embodied chesed, kindness and generosity. He was the person who welcomed strangers and wanted to share everything he had. Isaac, on the other hand, represented gevurah, strength and restraint. His approach was more disciplined and measured.

These weren't simply two different personalities. They represented opposite spiritual qualities. And yet, G-d made Isaac’s face resemble Abraham’s.

G-d could have created a family in which everyone shared the same outlook and temperament. Instead, the Jewish people begin with a father and son who represent opposite ways of approaching the world, yet still belong to the same family and carry the same mission.

This has practical implications for how we approach our own Jewish lives. There are times when we need to be like Abraham. We need to be generous, cheerful, welcoming, and ready to give. There are other times when we need to be like Isaac, exercising self-discipline, setting boundaries, and taking a more serious look at ourselves. Jewish growth requires both qualities. Kindness without discipline can become directionless, while discipline without kindness can become harsh.

But there is another detail worth noticing. When the Torah tells us that Isaac resembled Abraham, it doesn't say that Abraham resembled Isaac. The resemblance went in one direction.

This offers an important guideline when we aren't sure which approach to take, especially in our relationships with other people. When deciding whether to be more accommodating or more demanding, more forgiving or more critical, we should generally lean toward Abraham’s approach of kindness.

That doesn't mean ignoring problems or pretending that everything is fine. It means remembering that another person deserves our patience and generosity, even when we disagree with them. We can hold firm convictions without making others feel unwelcome.

The world has plenty of critics. The Torah’s message is that we don't need to add to their number. We can bring a little more Abraham into our interactions, even when the situation calls for some Isaac as well.

That’s why the Torah goes out of its way to tell us that Isaac looked like Abraham. Beneath all our different personalities and approaches, we are part of one family. And when in doubt, a little more kindness is usually the right place to start.